``blithe indifference
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
「 auditited on 8:33:00 PM 」


i know retaining isn't all tt bad. i get one whole extra yr to study. i get to study at my own pace. i get to know and mix around with younger people(ha ha). i get to live my jc life all over again, start everything right from the beginning. without all the shyt. ... haha so much for comforting myself. tts about all the pros i can think of. n i shant start labelling the cons cos it'll just make me feel more fk-ed up.

i know my friends wouldn't leave me behind on purpose. yall are such a loyal happy bunch i can't help but feel thankful. but some things in life are just inevitable. well i dno im sorry for snubbing a couple of people when they tried t comfort me. i can't help it u know the lousy me just took over n all i felt was irritation. let me make this clear.. no matter what i say. no matter how many times i claimed to want to be left alone, i don't. yep.. i donte really wanna be all alone by myself. i donte really wan to face this shyt all alone. i dont think i can, even.

i probably told many people that i was fine. take my word for that cos i was truly feeling fine if i could make myself say that. the thing is i feel differently at different times so im not really putting up a brave front. get what i mean? i know all that im supposed to be. im supposed to be strong, to accept this with an open mind. im supposed to not care bt what others say. im supposed to.. make myself get over it. wow. i know all these. just tell me how i can go about doing it. damn.