``blithe indifference
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
「 auditited on 2:35:00 PM 」


haha i broke down today. get the mechanics! ok im quite sure i've never felt this miserable, this lost. mm. i guess.. there are some things which no amount of preparation will help. i was so mentally prepared to flunk promos but the real truth hit me just the same. i think right now im in the waiting phase. waiting for results to be officially released. waiting for fuzzy's phone call. waiting to see the look of disappointment on my mum and dad's faces. waiting for the things which are to come. waiting..... waiting... ):

i hate to admit it. but perhaps this is my just deserts. i feel like ive been going through at least the last 10 years of my life pretty half-heartedly.. doing everything just for the sake of doing. looking back, there was never a time when i truly devoted my whole self to something. my whole blardi life was just about scraping a pass for everything-- as long as i don't get into too much trouble, everyth's fine. but deep down i know it's not. and tts not the way i want my life to be.

i think life has been kind to me. i did well for psle, got into the sch of my choice. i did ok-ly for olvls. got into a decent jc. and i kind of took everything for granted. reaping more than i sowed.. isn't tt already a norm? but now it's all gna come back to me. im gna get retained. fuck.

whoa i really dunno what to think now. life has taught me an incredible, invaluable lesson. but it's consequences are simply too much to bear. i wonder what other things are in store for me.

anw. i can't believe im still in the mood to do this. blogging. somehow writing just calms me down. makes me reflect, makes me realise my mistakes. i just hope tt it offers some solution.. haha. how bout a time machine? will help a great deal. rah.

anw. thanks so much. to all the pple who tried to offer comfort in one way or another. however powerful words are, they aren't enough for me to express my gratitude to all u people. hahaa sounds corny, but i mean it. esp: thanks sandy, kyna, joan for the postcard yest. thanks martin. u were the first i called aft i knew i was abt to retain. cos i saw ur sms (: thanks jie. haha i know u'll probably nvr see this but fuck it u're the best. thanks for the chocs aft my chem paper. thanks for sparing that few minutes of your time even though u were busy at work. ILOVEMYSISTER OK? thanks ryl. for offering to come down t meet me rightaway. i know how much u care (: ohyeah and for callin me umpteen times t make sure im ok. see, i gave u green! haa! thanks michelle n pattiepoo. for being by my side when i was being such a loser. for offerin to pon the talk too haha! patricia ur sms made me tear. thanks settlers peeps. for tryin to cheer my up by gettin me to play games there? :D and then there are the pple whom i -always- complain abt gettin retained to. yall know who u are. *waves t ;coded, justine, moksa, karen, terencesee* it's impossible to mention everybody. bt just don't ever think tt cos ur name's not here, u don't mean a thing to me. the wellwishes and all. those words kept me gng.
and im startin to think that life is still kind to me. for having sent some of the world's most wonderful pple to me, right here, by my side! :D:D


ohhhhh i know im bad. but let me just say this once: FUCK PROMOS. FUCK YOU.

haha much better now. but still.. gna retain. argh. ):